Friday, June 17, 2011

What To Do If Caught Outside Naked

"I regularly spend time nude in the back yard. One day this summer one of my wife’s Avon customers came by and she wanted to show off the fire pit I had recently built in the back yard. She thought I was inside the house at the time. When she opened the door there I was and her customer was momentarily taken aback. I said I was sorry; then she said that was the way God intended us to be. I thought that was a nice response . . ." - Phil62

Summer's finally arrived, and if you're like many people, you love relaxing naked in the sun in the back yard. So, it's prudent to be prepared.

What will you do if you are caught naked in the backyard?

Will you run and hide in the house, too embarrassed to ever be seen in the neighborhood again? (This won’t work of course.)

Here are five actions to consider taking this summer if your neighbor or someone else catches you naked in your backyard:

1. Deny it, then act completely surprised. “I`m WHAT ? OH MY GOD ! You`re right!” Then, walk back into the house and just let the person wonder.

2. Quickly come up with a snappy one-liner, such as:
- “It`s one of the side-effects of being a somnambulist who sleeps in the nude.”
- “I’m looking for my lost dog that snuck out the door.”
- “The hornets chased me out of the house in the nude.”
- “My smoke detector went off and I need fresh air so I don’t die.”
- "Never let your mother-in-law hypnotize you."
- "I am checking the weather and temperature so I can dress accordingly."
- "Okay, Scotty, very funny. Now beam down the uniform." (Looking upward and shaking fist.)
- "I just learned that this neighborhood is clothing-optional; didn’t you know either?"

3. Just act normal and don`t make a big deal of it – you’re caught anyway. T&C81 used this strategy effectively: “I have been caught by my neighbor in my back yard. I didn`t mention it, we chatted, eventually he asked and I told him that around the house I don`t bother wearing anything. The reply was "hmm, sounds fair" and that was it. We kept on chatting and it was never mentioned again."

4. Explain the benefits of nudism and invite the person to join you: "It`s too warm to be wearing clothes, so you’re welcome to take your clothes off and enjoy this sunshine with me." (If they do, you can set up a two-house nudist colony.) Abhchelms used this strategy: “My neighbor lady caught me years ago. She had an expression of disbelief at first, then come to find out she wanted to hang out too. . . My neighbor Beth and I would have morning coffee on my back deck Saturdays and Sundays."

5. Visit your neighbors in advance, and explain you’re a nudist and don’t like clothes. Vix711 and his wife use this strategy successfully with their neighbors: ". . . my wife and I wander/sunbathe naked all summer weather permitting in complete privacy, well almost! . . . [my 80 year old neighbor] . . . has one daughter in her early fifties who comes and mows her lawn once a week on her sit down mower’ She invariably pulls up by the fence and never bats an eyelid whilst chatting about the weather, politics, whatever. We have even invited her round but she says it’s not for her . . ."

Honesty is usually the best policy. MontanaNude summarizes this saying. . . "My neighbors know that I am a nudist. Those who are OK with it come without calling. Those who have a problem, call before coming over. . . I gave up hiding and coming up with one-liners years ago."

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